A New Square man recalled in excruciating detail Friday how a neighbor instructed him to take off his pants and began molesting him on Sept. 11, 2001, when he was 8 years old.

The alleged abuse didn’t stop until he moved out of the village more than five years later, the victim, now in his 20s, said as he took the stand for a second day in the trial of Moshe Menachem Taubenfeld, 55, a family friend.

Taubenfeld, also known as Mendel Zarkowsky, is charged with second-degree course of sexual conduct against a child, a felony. He has denied the charges.

The case is being closely watched in the Orthodox and Hasidic Jewish communities, which have long struggled with allegations that victims of sexual abuse – often children – are discouraged from reporting the crimes and people who do are treated as outcasts.

“I give the victim a lot of credit for coming forward,” said Rockland County District Attorney Thomas Zugibe, who observed part of Friday’s testimony in Rockland County Court in New City. “It’s a tough thing to do.”

The courtroom was packed with men who were there to show their support for Taubenfeld, a teacher and father of 20 who is well respected within the Skver Hasidic village.

His brother, Herschel Taubenfeld, pleaded guilty in 2013 to charges that he forcibly touched a young boy.

A few people appeared to be there to show support for the victim, including a man who complained to a court officer that another spectator had called him a Yiddish word for “snitch” during a break in the proceedings.

Under questioning from Moshe Taubenfeld’s attorney, Gerard Damiani, the victim said he was playing with friends near his New Square home on Sept. 11, 2001, when he learned about the terrorist attack on New York City.

The news upset him and, several hours later, he went to the nearby home of Taubenfeld, who advised young men on family purity religious laws before their weddings and was known informally as a counselor.

“There is no question in your mind that this happened on Sept. 11, 2001?,” Damiani asked the young man.

The man said that was the day the abuse started, describing several sexual acts in detail.

Damiani asked the victim for other details of the encounter, including the names of Taubenfeld’s children who were home at the time and the layout of Taubenfeld’s house.

Taubenfeld’s supporters grinned when the lawyer pointed out an inconsistency in the victim’s recollection of how many windows were in the study where the abuse occurred.

Damiani also questioned the victim repeatedly about his medical and psychological history. The victim said he first went to a therapist in 2007, where he disclosed the abuse.

It was around that time that the victim left New Square and moved to Brooklyn.

Damiani asked him what prompted him to leave the village where he had spent his entire life.

“It was the fear of living in New Square,” he said.

You can watch a news report on the trial here.

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NEW CITY – The defense began their case Monday in the high-profile sexual abuse trial of Rockland Rabbi Moshe Menachem Taubenfeld.

As News 12 has reported, Laiby Stern told the judge that Taubenfeld sexually molested him when he went for counseling after the Sept. 11. attacks. Stern, now 22, claims the abuse carried on for five years.

Defense attorney Gerard Damiani began Monday’s proceedings with a request to have the case tossed, claiming the victim lied about the timeline of reported abuse. The judge refused, much to the relief of child advocates who packed the courthouse.

As the court broke for lunch, other supporters of the alleged victim claimed they were harassed by religious men close to the rabbi.

Damiani told News 12 that he plans to call at least six more witnesses to the stand before he rests his case. It is not clear if Taubenfeld will take the stand.

If convicted, the rabbi could get up to a seven-year prison sentence.

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Members of Australia’s Orthodox Jewish community who assist police investigating alleged child sexual abuse have been pressured to stay silent, secret tape recordings and emails obtained by Fairfax Media reveal.

The details of the pressure being exerted on victims have emerged as the Royal Commission into child sex abuse prepares to hold public hearings next week to examine the responses of Melbourne and Sydney’s yeshivah centres to alleged offences dating back to the 1980s.

In one secret, legally recorded 2011 telephone conversation, prominent Melbourne criminal lawyer Alex Lewenberg tells a victim of St Kilda Yeshivah centre sex offender David Cyprys he should not have co-operated with police.

“I am not exactly delighted that another Yid [Jew] would assist police against an accused no matter whatever he is accused of and that is the reason why I was very disappointed,” Mr Lewenberg, who was defending Cyprys at the time of the conversation, told the victim.

“Because there is a tradition, if not a religious requirement that you do not assist against Abraham and I was concerned about that … moserprinciple. Moseris well known.”

Mr Lewenberg was referring to the Jewish tradition of mesirah under which a Jew does not inform secular authorities about another Jew. Members of ultra-orthodox communities who assist police are often ostracised and given the derogatory label of “moser” or informer.

Fairfax Media emailed Mr Lewenberg questions about the conversation with the victim on Tuesday. He replied that “the factual allegations as set out in your communications are not correct”.

Mr Lewenberg was telephoned by the victim in October 2011 after the victim had heard talk in the Jewish community about the barrister’s alleged displeasure at him assisting police with Cyprys’ prosecution.

On the recording, Mr Lewenberg initially said he should not be speaking to the victim as the matter was before court. But he then went on to express his thoughts on the victim’s assistance to police and his dislike of a Jew informing secular authorities on another Jew.

Victoria’s Legal Services Commissioner, Michael McGarvie, said while he could not comment on the specific conversation between Mr Lewenberg and the victim, there was a general principle that made it impermissible for a lawyer to tell a witness they could not inform police about a matter because of a religious or community rule.

Click for full article and recording.

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A Nazareth Court sentenced Rabbi Yaakov Deutsch from Afula to nine years in prison on Wednesday, after he was convicted on charges of sexual abuse against four teenagers – two boys and two girls – whom he taught.

Deutsch was also sentenced with paying a 290,000 shekel ($75,895) fine.

The full seriousness of Deutsch’s actions were examined in the court hearing for the sentencing, and the verdict condemned Deutsch’s acts and motives.

Regarding the testimony of one victim, “it was wrong to think that the accused has the power to ‘cure’ her, and he even made her believe that the relationship between him and her is an ‘instruction from above,'” the verdict stated, noting that the rabbi was using religion as a front for the abuse.

“These acts began when she was about 15-years-old – young and vulnerable – and caused her great confusion as to the morality of the conjugal visits with the accused in light of her haredi education,” it continued. “Between the two there was an ongoing relationship […] in flagrant violation of the trust of the complainant and the accused, and despite her young age.”

The court also rejected the defense’s arguments that the accused were exploiting his status; the court noted that his actions dealt a severe and incontrovertible blow to the dignity, liberty, and physical and mental well-being of the complainants.

“The greatness and power of the defendant in relation to his community, and beyond, led the complainants to trust the defendant, and to be alone with him,” it fired. “Moreover, even the parents of the complainants who saw the defendant as a respected rabbi, trusted him, and thus it never occurred to them that their children might fall victim to exploitation in his hands.”

The ruling surfaces amid a series of court hearings on another scandal involving a rabbi based in the north: at least ten women have accused Rabbi Ezra Sheinberg of Tzfat (Safed) of sexual abuse in a religious context, which made headlines after Sheinberg attempted to flee Israel and was arrested before his departure.

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Taubenfeld’s daughter broke down in tears as she described how her mother and brother were killed by a Hamas suicide bomber on a bus in Jerusalem in 2003. She was also on board, but survived the attacked.

After the tragedy in which Taubenfeld lost his wife and child, children were reportedly no longer allowed at the rabbi’s home.

During Wednesday’s testimony, the rabbi’s daughter confirmed that her father knew Laiby Stern, who has testified that the rabbi molested him after Stern sought counsel from the rabbi in the wake of the Sept. 11 terror attacks. Stern, now 22, claims that the abuse occurred for five years.

The testimony that Taubenfeld knew Stern contradicts a police interrogation video in which Taubenfeld denied knowing Stern.

The defense plans to rest by the end of the week. It is unclear whether Taubenfeld will take the stand.

If convicted, he faces up to seven years in prison.

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The defense and prosecution made their closing arguments on July 24 in the trial of a prominent Hasidic man from the upstate New York community of New Square who stands accused of sexually molesting a young neighbor from the age of eight till shortly after his bar mitzvah.

“Let no man be judged by one man’s words,” defense attorney Gerard Damiani declared, referring to Laiby Stern’s allegations that Moshe Menachem Taubenfeld, who according to Stern’s testimony is one of “the most powerful men” in New Square, sexually abused him for years.

“There’s so much [testimony] that’s been offered that contradicts Laiby’s testimony,” Damiani said in his closing arguments. The prosecution, he argued, did not establish beyond a reasonable doubt that his client is guilty, citing the lack of physical evidence.

“I ask the court to…bail the chestnuts out of the fire at this time,” Damiani appealed.

Assistant District Attorney Steve Moore countered with an impassioned summation, calling on the judge to examine the nature of sex abuse, and what would motivate a young boy to fabricate a lie of this nature, as the defense claims he did.

“There may not be another witness to say he [Laiby] was abused, but everyone corroborated the other details of his testimony,” Moore said, reminding the judge of Taubenfeld’s family members who confirmed Laiby’s recollection of the room where he alleges he was abused.

Moore jokingly referred to the three daughters under one name, saying they testified in “lockstep with a choreographed narrative.”

At least Stern admitted to struggling with his memory, Moore said, but the defense witnesses were adamant about their recollection of certain events, while struggling to remember more recent ones.

“Sprinkle some fairy dust and she remembers what happened fifteen years ago,” he said, referring to the daughters’ testimonies.

Taubenfeld, 55, who is also known as Mendel Zarkowsky, denies the accusations. He kept his eyes downcast throughout most of the proceedings, wiped his forehead/eyes repeatedly during Stern’s testimony and prayed during breaks. He faces a charge of second-degree course of sexual conduct, a felony. He faces up to seven years in prison.

The judge announced that he will hand down a verdict on July 30th.

Stern told a packed courtroom on July 16 that Taubenfeld first molested him when the he sought reassurance after hearing about the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.

“He called me into his office, closed the door and told me to pull my pants and underpants down,” Stern, now 22, recounted multiple times during his testimony and cross-examination.

Taubenfeld then allegedly proceeded to rub the boy’s penis. “He then told me to lay flat on the desk and inserted a finger in my anus,” he told the rapt courtroom.

This happened multiple times over the course of six years, Stern said.

Supporters of the accused man, who has 20 children —some of whom are stepchildren from his second marriage — and who works as a premarital counselor, were plentiful. They arrived each morning of the trial proceedings with prayer books in hand, filling up all four benches on the right-hand side of the courtroom.

Interns at the Rockland County DA’s office, as well as supporters of the victim and his family, filled up most of the seats on the left side of the courtroom.

“I’ve been doing this for decades,” Moore said outside the courtroom, “and I’ve never had such a packed room.”

The defense spent three days calling witnesses to testify to Mr. Taubenfeld’s innocence, including three of his daughters and his son-in-law.

On July 20, the defense called Taubenfeld’s son-in-law, Joseph Brailofsky, who claimed that the room in which Stern said he was abused was renovated into a study only in 2004, undermining Stern’s assertions.

But Brailofsky and Taubenfeld’s three daughters, Gittel Stauber, B’shava Richter and Pearl Brailofsky, also contradicted Taubenfeld’s claim to police when he was first arrested that he did not know Stern.

“So Mr. Taubenfeld knew Laiby?” Moore asked.

“Everyone knew Laiby,” Stauber said. “He was the child that messed up everything,” her sister, Pearl Brailofsky later corroborated. He was violent and aggressive to the other children he played with in the house, the sisters testified.

The tape of the interrogation, which was played in the courtroom on the first day of the trial, shows a visibly nervous Taubenfeld sitting in a police interrogation room in the town of Ramapo.

“You want me to cry?” Taubenfeld asked after a detective told him what he’s accused of. “I’ve been through so much in my life. I don’t touch a person. I don’t do such things.”

He later reiterated: “I don’t touch a person, You can ask anyone in the community.”

Taubenfeld lost his first wife and baby son in a terrorist attack in Jerusalem in August 2003. His daughter B’shava was injured in the attack and sobbed while recounting the tragedy during her testimony on July 22.

Damiani explained to the judge that Taubenfeld opted for a non-jury trial because he feared that a jury in the suburban county might not give a fair hearing to a Hasidic defendant.

A “Rockland County jury will likely be biased,” Damiani said.

Republished from the Forward.

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The trial of Rabbi Frederick “Ephraim” Karp, the Ohio rabbi charged with sexual abuse of a minor and related charges in Baltimore County, has been set for October.

Although he was arrested in January and extradited to Baltimore County then, the case was postponed so that the defense could have additional time to review evidence and prepare for the trial, Karp’s attorney Marc Zayon said.

Karp remains at the Baltimore County Detention Center in Towson. A motions hearing, in which the defense could litigate the collection of evidence, is set for Oct. 7, and a trial date is set for Oct. 28.

According to the testimony of Lisa Dever from the state’s attorney’s office, the alleged victim came into contact with Karp through a close relationship between the rabbi and her family. The abuse took place over the course of five years, starting when the girl was 7 years old until Karp’s arrest, the attorney said. Two of the victim’s sisters have since accused Karp of inappropriately touching them as well, Dever said.

In Ohio, Karp, 51, was director of spiritual living at Menorah Park Center for Senior Living in the Cleveland suburb of Beechwood. He was suspended from his post when the facility learned of his arrest. He was also suspended from Neshama: Association of Jewish Chaplains (NAJC), which he founded and served as its president.

Baltimore County Police said there was no evidence that any incidents of abuse took place at any local Jewish facilities.

Prior to joining Menorah Park in 2008, Karp was the community chaplain for the Jewish Federation of Monmouth County in New Jersey for seven years.

He was arrested on Jan. 15 at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, where he was headed to the annual NAJC conference in Jerusalem.

Republished from the Baltimore Jewish Times

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Dedicated to David M. Gordon, z”l.

by Meir Rubenstein

First day at a new school. A fair haired lad of thirteen stands anxiously before the portals. Will he be accepted by others? Will he make friends? Entering the school grounds he does get some “new kid in town” looks, but finds that the children are friendly. By the end of the day he discovers that his teachers are patient and his peers have accepted him.

By the morning of the third day, he is already into a routine. He wakes up early, eats a quick breakfast, kisses his mum goodbye. Upon arrival at school he joins with his new friends in greeting one another. Amidst the backslaps and shouting, he feels an alien chill pass through him and looks around to find its source. There. One of the older students is looking directly at him with a deep, unwavering cold stare. He shrugs it off, figuring it’s only his imagination. After all, there is nothing to distinguish him from the other older students. Anyway, class is beginning and, until recess later that afternoon, he thinks nothing more of it.

In the yard with his classmates, the same older boy who had been staring at him called him over. He felt a kind of pride that an older student was paying attention to him. As he walked over, he reckoned that he’d just misinterpreted the earlier stare as being cold. “My uncle gave me a Nintendo,” the older teen said, “Would you like to see it?” Of course, he wanted to see it. This was too neat to pass up. Students weren’t allowed computer games! On the way to the dormitories, the older chap tells the boy that he’s got to pick something up first and motions for him to accompany him. He leads the boy to a side room and once inside, locks the door behind them. Hidden from view, the older student brushes his hand over the lad’s privates. Shocked and scared, the young boy passes it off to himself as a mistake. It was not a mistake. It was too late. He was trapped and the real abuse began.

Over the next few months the abuse only gets worse. He knows he should probably tell his parents or his teachers, but what will they think of him? A voice inside whispers to keep silent, to avoid attracting attention to himself. No one needs to know; that to expose the acts perpetrated on him would be breaking the rules of modesty.

The assaults do not end but come more frequently and the boy feels powerless to break away. The older boy not only physically overpowers him, but is also crafty and persuasive.

Deeply conflicted, the boy begins to question his own motives: is it I who’s leading him on? Perhaps I’m not the innocent victim, here, after all? Maybe this is all my fault?!” The boy falls into despair. He has lost all motivation to learn and has drawn away from his real friends. He finds no reason to wake up in the morning, nor any pleasure in his daily activities. School has stopped being fun and his nights are filled with bad dreams.

While friends and family blame his odd behavior on teenage rebellion, he continues suffering in silence. On the outside, he appears normal but after months in this trap, he’s bleeding and crying on the inside. He is afraid he would not be believed. It would be the word of an attention grabbing youngster against that of a respected young adult. Even if he were inclined to tell someone, who could that possibly be?

When he can bear it no longer, he works up the nerve to confide in a teacher he feels he can trust. Hearing him out, the teacher promises him that the situation will be dealt with. After some time, however, it becomes obvious that the adult has turned a blind eye to his plight and has defaulted on his word, choosing the reputation of the school — his meal ticket — over his student’s welfare. Things continue as they were.

After two school years, the abuser finally graduates and the abuse ceases. However, life for the boy is forever changed. He is still popular, but his scars do not heal and he is hardly aware of it. Once burned and knowing he now must protect himself, his lips remain sealed.

Years pass and now, as a young man, he sets out to travel the world. He thought he had left those episodes behind him, buried deep and all but forgotten. Until he happened to meet an activist for victims and survivors of child sexual abuse. The activist’s words sting and ring all too true. While still unwilling to open up to another, he does visit the activist’s website. He is amazed at how many thousands of other children have undergone similar ordeals. For the first time in all these years, he does not feel alone. A new chapter in his life begins.

“Blush for a few moments so others don’t have to bleed.”

I was that lad who, between the ages of 13 and 15, had been taken advantage of and abused. I kept that unfortunate, mistreated child locked up within me for six years, but now, confronted with a practical avenue for help, I found myself still too ashamed to reach out. I thought that if I told friends they would doubt my sexuality or would disbelieve me. Worse, perhaps they would even suspect me of being a perpetrator! My thoughts were a jumble of confusion — vulnerability, guilt, anger.

The doubt and self-recrimination ended for me the day I visited Jewish Community Watch online. I found myself in the company of many other innocents who have fallen prey to this cruelty.

A year or so ago, I came across an article written by a victim of child sexual abuse who lost his life in a tragic way. It was the most powerful article I’d ever read; David Gordon, z”l, penned for the Huffington Post, as follows: “Blush for a few moments so others don’t have to bleed.” He is calling to all those who have suffered abuse, yet felt compelled to keep silent. David wrote:

If we keep sweeping our problems under the rug we will eventually trip over them. The time has come for us to stand up for ourselves, our children and our communities. It’s time to sacrifice the comfort of not tackling serious issues that are awkward and embarrassing and focus on the dignity of human life. If I can have a voice you can too. Take a stand and be a real leader. Blush for a few moments so others don’t have to bleed. One reason why victims of abuse are also called survivors is because so many don’t make it. So many are too ashamed to reach out and frequently fall into depression, violence, addiction and ultimately into deaths arms. But we can be brave and stand up for what we know is right. Together our voices can be louder than ever. I know that I alone cannot change the world, but together we can make a difference.^[1]”

I don’t often cry. But upon reading these words, I broke down in tears. Not only for myself. My physical trial had long passed, but thousands of children the world over are suffering in silence, living continuously with the thoughts of suicide. To numb the pain, they turn to alcohol and drugs, often having to contend with the very real risk of perpetuating unhealthy relationships.

We all have a voice. A voice rooted in a truth stronger than illusory schemes which whisper to avoid embarrassment. Still, how many of us are willing to speak out? Sharing your darkest secrets to the world is, to be sure, uncomfortable and awkward. Or worse. But, As David said, “If I can have a voice you can too. Take a stand and be a real leader.” You don’t have to be a victim of abuse to address this issue; all one needs is clarity and morals. Leadership springs from clarity more than it does from bravery. Moreover, it is clarity which fuels the action that is considered to be bravery. My mind does not allow David’s words to escape my thoughts. I go to sleep and wake up pondering his message to us: what am I going to do about it? What influence can I have? What is clarity?

Abuse and Clarity

Every child deserves a future. Yet, shocking statistics show that 1 in 4 females, and 1 in 6 males, will be sexually abused before the age of 18. The time for action to preserve that inalienable truth is here. Don’t wait for someone you love to disclose to you they have been abused before you believe abuse exists. I promise you it does. Parents, educate yourself and your children. You have nothing to lose. On the contrary. What is a sacrifice of one’s honor and comfort when it comes to saving the future of a child at risk. If your children have been informed and should they, G-d forbid, encounter abuse, they will then be less vulnerable and more likely to reach out to you.

There is no time to waste. Know that you, one individual among many, can make a change. Take the initiative to speak up for yourself and you will be taking the lead in bringing others to do the same for themselves or their loved ones. I have learned that there is nothing to be ashamed about. Suppressing these dark scars only holds you back from utilizing and achieving your personal potential and goals, so take the burden from your shoulders and you will be free of them, as I am now. Sometimes you have to let go. Maintaining exclusive ownership of past abuse and its scars means that they actually own you. Freeing yourself from their hold is not easy, but it’s easier to succeed once you have let go of them. Then, like mine, your scars will make you stronger. An unbreakable chain links us survivors. Every time another person shares his or her story, another link is added to that chain and they, too, can literally empower others to do the same. Together, our voices will be heard louder than ever.

Find that friend with whom you can share what you’ve hidden even from yourself. If there is no one you can trust at the moment, contact Jewish Community Watch. Your journey can begin now, at this moment. I promise, you are stronger, braver and more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. All it takes is that one ounce of courage to admit to yourself that you’ve been a victim of abuse. You will be believed. Your voice be heard. You will be a survivor.

I now go about life secure in the knowledge that I’m taking positive action, doing for others — especially for those who were robbed of their innocence by child abusers — what could have once made a big difference in my life. I can and will use my voice for others who have yet to find theirs; to be there for those who need someone to hear them, and believe them. Brothers and sisters, wherever you are, if you are a victim of any type of abuse, I beg you, for your own sakes: reach out! As Dave Gordon said, “Secrets don’t get better with age.”

Jerusalem, 2015
© 2015 by Meir Rubenstein for Jewish Community Watch.org. Permission granted to quote, in whole or part, provided that this entire copyright notice is attached.

^[1] Secrets Don’t Get Better With Age: Why I’m Choosing Leadership Over Secrecy, David M. Gordon, Huffington Post, 08/12/2013. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3424110

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Plea agreement met family’s wish that the boy not have to testify publicly against Rabbi Gabriel Bodenheimer.

A Monsey rabbi accused of sexually abusing a 7-year-old boy pleaded guilty Tuesday to a lesser charge of endangering the welfare of a child.

Prosecutors said the agreement met the family’s request to spare their son from having to testify in public.

Rabbi Gabriel Bodenheimer, 72, principal of Yeshiva Bais Mikroh for decades, faces three years probation when sentenced Oct. 27 on the misdemeanor count. As part of the agreement, the rabbi is barred from teaching or entering any school. He will also be subject to typical restrictions imposed on sex offenders.

Rockland County Court Judge Rolf Thorsen accepted the rabbi’s plea.

Prosecutor Richard Kennison Moran told Thorsen the case was being resolved at the request of the victim’s family, who told Rockland District Attorney Thomas Zugibe they wanted the boy to move forward with his therapy and life.

“The victim is extremely strong mentally,” Moran said. “I believe he would be able to testify before this court. The family wants to spare their son the ordeal of testifying. I respect his family’s wishes.”

The boy’s grandfather said Bodenheimer’s guilty plea speaks volumes.

“The fact he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge tells you what the crime was,” he said after court. “It tells you he is a predator and a bum. He took away a child’s innocence that can never be given back.”

Bodenheimer had earlier rejected a plea agreement that would have resulted in state prison time. He had maintained he never touched the boy.

A grand jury charged the rabbi last year with three counts of first-degree criminal sexual act and one count of first-degree sex abuse. The charges covered oral and anal sex with a child and carried a maximum of 25 years in prison.

The boy, now, 12, was 7 when Bodenheimer allegedly abused him at his school office between Aug. 1, 2009 and July 31, 2010. The boy and his mother filed a complaint in December 2013 with the Ramapo police.

Bodenheimer, who lives at 3 Dunhill Lane, said little Tuesday, standing with his lawyer, Avi Moskowitz. He admitted to knowing the boy and taking actions that endangered the child’s welfare. He is prohibited from going near the boy in the future.

Bodenheimer, who has 14 children and 100 grandchildren, has led the Bais Mikroh on Viola Road for decades, educating thousands of Orthodox Jewish boys. He has been active recently in the push to change the state education aid formula to bring more aid to the East Ramapo School District and to the private schools that many of its young residents attend.

Republished from the Journal News

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A Rockland judge on Thursday found New Square rabbi Moshe Taubenfeld not guilty of allegations hesexually abused a boy over a five-year period.

Taubenfeld, 55, also known as Mendel Zarkowsky, was charged with second-degree course of sexual conduct against a child, a felony.

As he left the courtroom, his supporters started singing and dancing until court officers told them to be more composed. They said they planned to host a big celebration in New Square.

His lawyer, Gerard Damiani, said “Mr. Taubenfeld is very happy it is over with. He always denied he ever abused (the boy) or anyone.”

He said Taubenfeld had taught over 200 students over the course of his career and not one of them has ever suggested he did anything inappropriate.

Rockland County Court Judge Rolff Thorsen announced the verdict at 3 p.m. following a multi-week, non-jury trial. He said it was based on the evidence, and had nothing to do with public opinion.

Damiani said Thorsen was under a lot of pressure in the case from the district attorney, the media, and Brooklyn activists, but was able to look past any prejudice in the case.

Nachum Rosenberg, a Brooklyn resident with ties to the religious community in Ramapo, advocates for people sexually abused in the Hasidic community and came to court Thursday to hear the verdict. He said it had been a terrible week for children in Rockland, citing another rabbi’s plea to a reduced charge in a sexual abuse case earlier in the week.

He called the decision political, saying the judge owed his election to New Square. He said as long as judges are subject to political influence, “there will be no peace for children.”

The young man testified during the trial’s second day that Taubenfeld had sexually abused him, starting when he sought comfort and an explanation for the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. He was 8 years old at the time and Taubenfeld was a neighbor. He said the alleged abuse didn’t stop until he said he turned 13 and moved out of the village in May 2006.

The young man said he and his family reported the abuse about six years ago to New Square community religious leaders, who discouraged him from going to police.

Defense lawyers, however, hammered at what they said were inconsistencies in the man’s story,

The courtroom had been packed with men supporting Taubenfeld, a father of 20 who is well respected within the Skver Hasidic village. His brother, Herschel Taubenfeld, pleaded guilty in 2013 to charges that he forcibly touched a young boy.

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JCW will host Child Abuse Awareness event at Chabad Landfield Avenue Synagogue in Monticello on Sunday August 9th at 7pm

Jewish Community Watch (JCW), an organization dedicated to combating child sexual abuse in the Orthodox community, will hold an event in Monticello on August 9th to raise awareness about abuse in the community, to educate parents on prevention and to show support for survivors. JCW has held nine events this year across the United States and Israel, attended by over 3,300 people. The event in Monticello expects to attract a large and diverse crowd from the 250,000 Jewish summer residents of the Catskills.

Jewish Community Watch, which is advised by a group of prestigious rabbis, legal experts and mental health professionals, was founded four years ago. Through its educational activities and support services for survivors, JCW, with the help of our community, are turning the tide against abuse.

At the upcoming event in Monticello, an engaging contingency of guest speakers will be present, including,  Mordy Feinstein, a survivor of child sexual abuse, Officer Riegler, Detective at the Monticello PD and Monticello District Attorney Fred Mosley together with the Police Chief of Monticello.

Founder of JCW, Meyer Seewald, said: “After a year speaking in front of packed halls and Shuls across the United States and Israel, I can say that the effect of these events are unparalleled. They transform a city into active soldiers in the battle to protect every precious Jewish child. After each event we are contacted by dozens of survivors who wish to share their story of abuse and help us prevent future abuse. I can say with confidence that these events have literally saved lives. I urge each and every person to attend – let’s take a stand for our children and in support of survivors.”

The day after a previous event, JCW received the following message from an attendee: “Last night’s event was probably the most important event I’ve ever been to. The honesty, rawness, humanity and bravery that was shown by every single speaker and survivor affected me so deeply I really can’t describe it. Eli, Meyer, and Baruch–who were so courageous in sharing their stories, have just saved countless lives. I have never been prouder to be Jewish than I was last night, when we all stood together and sent a message to the abusers and cowardly murderers that they will never again be free to lay a hand on anyone – with the help of JCW.”

Event Details: Chabad Landfield Avenue Synagogue in Monticello on Sunday August 9th at 7pm

RSVP here: https://www.facebook.com/events/720889084710903/

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The topic of child sexual abuse can be difficult to broach, but psychologists advise parents to continue addressing the issue after-the-fact. If the abuse is ignored or swept under the rug, psychologists warn it could damage the child victim’s development.

Trauma sparks a certain physiological response in victims. Adrenaline, increased heart rate, and other symptoms of high stress can lead to fragmented memories of the trauma. Those memories cannot be properly stored in a victim’s brain without a cohesive narrative, and as a result, tend to pop up in flash backs.

Psychologist Dr. Erin Leonard explains that the trauma needs to be continually addressed in an empathetic way at each developmental stage of life.

“When the children keep this sort of secret it really does have a shaming and self-blaming effect and they end up feeling at-fault and to blame for this,” Leonard explains.

The way victims are handled, both by law enforcement and psychologists, has changed in recent decades.

In the 1980s when Erika Monroe was kidnapped and raped she retold her story week after week as investigators built their case. Each time she said she felt “interrogated” by the officers, each time she felt the pain of the trauma all over again.

Monroe is now in her thirties, and looks back at the lack of psychological care she got as an adolescent, “if someone were to have asked me, ‘do you think by being raped that it’s affected your relationships now?’ Then maybe it would have made me think about it.”

Dr. Leonard explains that traumatic memories stay fragmented because of the psychological state in a moment of panic. Those memories cannot be stored in long-term memory until there’s a cohesive “narrative” of what happened. Leonard says talking to a therapist or addressing the situation calmly and emphatically can help consolidate that memory so it stays out of the forefront of the mind.

One Michiana mother, Carol, is processing her own child’s recovery after she was sexually abused by two adolescent girls. Carol’s daughter, Katie, came forward six months after the sexual encounters and explained what happened to her: the two girls, ages 12 and 15, performed oral sex on her in addition to other penetration.

Carol placed Katie in therapy after calling the Department of Child Services, so far Katie is able to talk in great detail and clarity about what happened to her, however, the deviant sexual nature of the acts is somewhat lost on her young mind.

“There’s not a pamphlet out there, at least that I’m aware of, that tells you this is how your child might behave,” said Carol.

Like many child victims, Katie has daytime flashbacks, night terrors, she developed imaginary friends since the abuse and she has a heightened sexual awareness for someone her age.

Carol recognizes that there is still a lot of work to go through in terms of helping Katie adjust, as Dr. Leonard explains, the trauma won’t be fully healed with one round of therapy immediately after the act.

“When the child grows and develops cognitively and emotionally, the trauma needs to be reprocessed at that level,” Leonard explains.

Childhood sexual traumas can create obstacles at different developmental stages, especially when a victim starts thinking about their first sexual encounter, contemplating marriage or having children. Each phase of life presents its own challenges.

Turning back to Erika Monroe, one thing she wished she did more of as a teen struggling with her abuse was communication. Her mother and father never talked about it, neither did her extended family or friends, “it was just something that was not spoken about.”

After one failed and uncomfortable round of hypnosis when she was 10, Monroe never sought additional counseling. She felt the decades-old approach was abrasive and accusatory, causing her to shut down and tell her parents she didn’t want to talk to the therapist again.

“There should’ve been grief counseling for my parents, for myself because something very valuable was taken from us that night. Something very valuable was taken from me,” Monroe said she wished someone advised her family to go see a therapist to help everyone learn about PTSD, triggers and adjusting to life after rape.

Psychologists say the parents of child sexual abuse victims need to come to terms with the abuse and then provide a model for their children. Accepting the abuse took place is an emotional and difficult task for parents, and without addressing the parent’s emotional needs, the problem can get swept under the rug.

Child victims are likely to suffer from depression, anxiety disorders, self-esteem issues and aggressive behavior. They’re more prone to drug and alcohol use and are likely to suffer from sexual difficulties in the future.

Republished from WNDU16

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SPRING VALLEY — Sexual-abuse charges against a Monsey school bus driver were dropped Friday after prosecutors said they could not prove their case.

Shlomo Erps, 27, of Nancy Lane, was charged in June with a felony count of first-degree sexual abusethat accused him of molesting a 4-year-old boy who attended a private school in Ramapo. The child told investigators that the incident occurred on a school bus Erps was driving.

“He declared his innocence from day one and today he feels vindicated,” said his New City attorney Keith Braunfotel. “He and his family are ecstatic — a huge weight has been lifted from their shoulders.”

The case ended  in Spring Valley Village Court after prosecutors asked for an adjournment in contemplation of dismissal. That means that the case against Erps will be formally closed Jan. 29 as long as he is not charged with any other crimes.

Erps had been free on $10,000 bail.

Rockland County District Attorney Thomas Zugibe did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

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Police Monday named Sir Edward Heath as a suspected pedophile in the most dramatic twist yet in the ongoing investigation into allegations of historic child abuse.

Appealing for potential victims of the late former Prime Minister to come forward, Wiltshire Police revealed that he had been named in relation to offences concerning children.

The force said it was now working with the NSPCC to support those affected, but declined to give any further details about the nature of the allegations against Sir Edward, who died in 2005, aged 89.

The revelations came as it was announced that the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) was investigating claims that police had quietly dropped a criminal trial in the 1990s after the defendant threatened to expose Sir Edward as a pedophile.

Last summer a retired police officer, who had been with the force at the time, came forward claiming that senior officers had ordered a prosecution be stopped because it would have led to the former Prime Minister’s name being dragged through the mud.

The identity of the defendant on trial is not known, but it is understood that he was not claiming to have been abused by Sir Edward himself. The trial is thought to have been at an early stage and was dropped before a jury had been sworn in.

The police officer who made the allegations is understood to have claimed that he complained about the matter at the time but said his concerns were swept under the carpet.

In the wake of criticism over South Yorkshire police’s handling of the Rotherham child abuse scandal last summer, the officer came forward and lodged a formal complaint.

Wiltshire Police began investigating his allegations and in March this year passed the matter to the IPCC, which will now explore whether there is evidence of a police cover-up and also what the police did at the time to investigate the allegations against Sir Edward.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Wiltshire Police said its detectives were now appealing for any alleged victims to come forward.

The spokesman said: “Sir Edward Heath has been named in relation to offences concerning children. He lived in Salisbury for many years and we would like to hear from anyone who has any relevant information that may assist us in our enquiries or anyone who believes they may have been a victim.

“We are working closely with the NSPCC to ensure that any victims are appropriately supported. They provide trained helpline counsellors to listen and provide assistance.

“We take all reports of child abuse, either current or that occurred in the past very seriously. Victims will receive support throughout any investigation and associated judicial process.

“If there is evidence of offences having been committed we will ensure that, if possible, those responsible are held to account through a thorough and detailed investigation.

“This includes any other parties who are identified as having been involved in child sex abuse. Some people may never have spoken out about the abuse they have suffered but we would urge them to please contact us and to not suffer in silence.”

It is understood that while Wiltshire Police is not aware of any other allegations against the former Prime Minister, his name had been passed to the Metropolitan Police, which is carrying out Operation Midland, an investigation into claims of a historic VIP pedophile ring operating around Westminster.

Sir Edward, who became the Tories’ youngest leader and was Prime Minister in the Conservative Government between 1970 and 1974, bought his Salisbury home, Arundells, in 1985 and lived there until his death a decade ago. He was famously reticent about his private life and while rumours often circulated around Westminster, this is the first time that the unmarried former Tory leader has been name as publicly surfaced in connection with child abuse.

Last night Tom Watson, the Labour MP who is running for the deputy leadership of the party, said: “I received information in 2012 concerning allegations of child abuse carried out by Edward Heath and a separate claim concerning Heath was made to me subsequently.

“I passed them both to the police, who have confirmed to me that at least one of those allegations is being investigated and taken seriously.”

The chief executive of the NSPCC, Peter Wanless, said: “Whether abuse happened in the past, or is occurring today, whether those being accused are authority figures or not, allegations of crimes against children must be investigated thoroughly.”

The Sir Edward Heath Charitable Foundation said in a statement: “We welcome the investigation by Wiltshire Police, which we wholeheartedly believe will clear Sir Edward’s name and we will co-operate fully with the police in their inquiries.”

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A recent study, performed on behalf of “Lauren’s Kids” this past April, both reveals and confirms some disconcerting sexual abuse data.

Lauren’s Kids, a South Florida 501(c)(3) founded by Lauren Book (a victim of sexual abuse for 6 years), “educates adults and children about sexual abuse prevention through in-school curricula, awareness campaigns and speaking engagements around the country and the world.”

The study’s conclusions confirmed and validated that which those of us who have served as Child Protection Professionals already knew…a staggering percentage of Floridian children admit to having been sexually abused prior to the age of 18.  1 in 3 females and 1 in 5 males surveyed made this admission.

While sexual molestations such as the alleged incidents involving Josh Duggar and former Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert, generate significant media interest, the majority of incidents that occur go unreported.  The Sachs study claims that 59% of females and 47% of males surveyed stated that their molestation/abuse went unreported.

Sexual abuse, which does not require physical contact, leaves the deepest and most mortifying of wounds…wounds that often never heel.  Suffering sexual abuse dismantles one’s self-concept and shatters self-esteem.  Victims are made to feel a sense of worthlessness…a feeling that often leads to self-injury and/or suicide.

While victims of such abuse desperately require counseling from trained professionals, this study revealed that only 1 in 5 children received counseling to address this trauma.

Lauren Book believes that 95% of childhood sexual abuse is preventable through education and awareness.  While that is speculative and subjective, as well as an extraordinarily high number, I am in agreement that a need to educate parents, caregivers and children exists regarding types of abuse, potential for abuse, the need to report and the importance of intervention.

Many years ago, while serving as a Family Services Counselor for the Florida Department of Children and Families, I received instructions to investigate allegations of sexual abuse made by a 17-year-old female.  Although I had participated in investigations of childhood sexual abuse so many times before, this particular incident was so troublesome that I recall it to this very day.

Mom greeted me at the door as I arrived unannounced.  Reasonably shocked and alarmed by my visit, she allowed me to enter.  She chose to sit at where the modular, perpendicular sofa pieces met…ironically pressed into the corner of the couch.  This was but the first corner that she would be wedged into that day.

The two parents were raising four daughters, ages 6 to 17…the eldest was not the father’s biological daughter.  Nevertheless, mom met her current husband during her pregnancy with this first child and “dad” has been present since the child’s birth…”raising her as his own.”

A day prior to my visit, this eldest child disclosed sexually-inappropriate behavior during a conversation with a friend…allegedly that her step-father had climbed into her bed and fondled her.  Additionally, she indicated that this had occurred several times in the past.  Her friend subsequently reported the offenses to a school staff member who, as mandated, contacted the Florida Abuse Hotline.

It was now my burden to interview the 3 other siblings and to share this horrific information with an unknowing and uninformed mother.

Over two decades later, I regretfully recall mom’s harrowing expression…the desolation in her eyes…her diminished posture…the emptiness of a woman now needing to choose between a husband of 16 years and her first born.

As part of our safety plan, dad was asked to temporarily leave the home so as to ensure the safety of the children and to allow for the completion of the investigation.  Sadly…and shortly thereafter…I found dad’s vehicle parked after midnight, in the family’s driveway…resulting in the instant removal of all four children.

I have chosen to share this particular investigation so as to illuminate the plight of families struggling with issues relating to childhood sexual abuse.  Familial sexual abuse isn’t about an incident but rather about the dynamics of the entire family.  It breeds secrecy…embarrassment…fear.  It crosses all socioeconomic lines.

Numerous studies have revealed that most parents and caregivers prefer to deal with familial sexual abuse internally…keeping their issues within the privacy of their own home.  They often feel confident that they can address and resolve the issues, are fearful of shame and ridicule from others, and go to great lengths to avoid judicial involvement.  Families often question the credibility of the child.

Additionally, many children have revealed, to me, threats made by perpetrators…threats to kill a family pet…threats to hurt or kill the child…too many threats to even recall and list.

Lauren Book is committed to teaching children how to seek help.  She strives to educate the community as to what constitutes childhood sexual abuse.  She insists that everyone understand that Florida law requires everyone to report such abuse:

Florida Statute 39.201(1)(c) Any person who knows, or has reasonable cause to suspect, that a child is the victim of childhood sexual abuse or the victim of a known or suspected juvenile sexual offender, as defined in this chapter, shall report such knowledge or suspicion to the department in the manner prescribed in subsection (2). 

The Sachs Media Group survey went on divulge that, of the children surveyed, 30% of female respondents and 14% of male respondents indicated that their first sexual experience was forced upon them.  Moreover, 34% indicated that the abuse that they suffered was at the hands of a family member or friend.  According to the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public web site (Dru Katrina Sjodin was a 22 year-old University of North Dakota student raped and murdered by a recently released Level 3 registered sex offender) 75% of female rape victims (minors and adults) knew the identity of the offender(s).

With nearly 2 million adolescents in the United States having reported sexual abuse, and an untold number of unreported victims, we owe it to our children to protect them and to expose all known cases of sexual abuse.

For additional information…for purposes of education…to learn how to discuss sexual abuse with your child(ren)…or to search the National Sex Offender registry, please visit the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Web Site (part of the U.S. Department of Justice) at nsopw.gov.  To report abuse, neglect or abandonment of a child in the State of Florida, please call the Florida Abuse Hotline at (800) 96-ABUSE  or (800) 962-2873.  Florida Statute 39.202(1) states that “all records held by the department concerning reports of child abandonment, abuse, or neglect, including reports made to the central abuse hotline and all records generated as a result of such reports, shall be confidential.”

Published in Naples Herald

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A government inquiry underway in Australia has revealed that more than 1,000 members of the Jehovah’s Witness Church there have been accused of child sexual abuse since 1950 — yet none of them have ever been reported to the police.

Church elders had a strict policy of keeping all complaints of sexual abuse under wraps and would instead investigate the claims themselves, the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse heard in Sydney on Monday during the first day of hearings into the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

This latest round of hearings is part of the commission’s broader national inquiry into child sex abuse that has captivated Australians since it started in 2013 after claims of sexual abuse within the Catholic Church.

According to the Sydney Morning Herald, around 60 people have contacted the commission with knowledge of sexual abuses happening among Jehovah’s Witnesses.

“Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the only way to finally end child abuse is to, as they put it, ’embrace God’s kingdom under Christ’ and to ‘love God with all your heart,” Angus Stewart, an attorney for the commission, said during the hearing.

One woman, identified only as BCG, told the commission about how her father, a senior official in the church, began molesting her at age 17 and her three sisters, who were four and six years old. Even though elders knew about the abuse, it took six years and three trials before he was convicted with the crime.

“I used to pray to Jehovah to put angels around my bed to stop my father coming to me, but he didn’t help me and my father didn’t stop,” she testified, adding he would also beat her with a belt when she tried to get out of attending church meetings.

BCG, now 43, said she spent much of her adolescence afraid of speaking out against her father and lived in constant fear of being shunned by the church, which taught that God would abandon anyone who disobeyed him.

She eventually reported the abuse to the elders, but she says was forced to confront her father directly during several meetings, as was church practice, yet he continued to threaten her and blamed her for “seducing him.”And she was asked not to discuss the matter with anyone else. “I was being asked to respect the man who had done those things to me,” she continued. “But nobody was offering me any respect or proper support.”

Elders and other church members testified that the church could excommunicate (or “disfellowship”) any members found to have committed sexual abuse, but they believed victims only if the abuser confessed or if there were two or more witnesses to the abuse.

Another witness, called BCB, told the commission she was sexually abused by an elder when she was 15 years old. She too was forced to confront her abuser in person and that only made the abuse worse.

She says church elders tried to dissuade her from testifying at the commission, fearing she would “drag Jehovah’s name through the mud.”

One church elder who dealt with BCB’s case, Max Horley, told the inquiry that the elders told the victims they could go to the police. But he also admitted to destroying the notes he took about her allegations.

“We don’t want our wives knowing our stuff, what sorts of things we were dealing with,” Horley testified. “We don’t want other people in the congregations coming across that information.”

The inquiry also heard that 401 members were cast out following internal church investigations, but that more than half were eventually brought back into the fold.

There are around 70,000 active Jehovah’s Witnesses in Australia — the group reports it has more than 8 million worldwide.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are members of a movement based in Christianity that started in the US in the 19th century. Witnesses are infamous for going door-to-door to share their beliefsand attempt to convert strangers; they also refuse to celebrate most religious and secular holidays and object to things like military service and blood transfusions.

For years, scandals have swirled around Jehovah’s Witnesses in Australia in particular, ranging from deadly rivalries between leaders and charges that it’s a dangerous cult.

The royal commission has also probed sexual abuses happening among the Orthodox Jewish community in Australia, and is also mandated to investigate such abuses happening in secular organizations for children such as schools and sports clubs.

The hearing into the Jehovah’s Witness community is expected to continue for two more weeks. The commission will weigh the possibility of pursuing criminal charges against elders who covered up abuses.

The post More than 1,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses Have Been Accused of Child Sex Abuse in Australia — And Police Never Knew appeared first on Jewish Community Watch.

(JTA) — A counselor at a JCC day camp in suburban Detroit was charged with producing child pornography after allegedly filming prepubescent boys in the JCC locker room and sharing the photos online.

Matthew David Kuppe, 21, of West Bloomfield, Michigan, was arraigned in federal court Thursday and charged with production, distribution, receipt and possession of child pornography, the Detroit News andDetroit Free Press reported.

If convicted, the rising senior at Michigan State University faces up to 20 years in federal prison. He is being held without bond pending a hearing Tuesday in federal court. Prosecutors are trying to determine if there are additional victims.

“This defendant had access to a large number of children, and we would like to conduct interviews and look at evidence,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Sara Woodward said Thursday, according to the Detroit News.

Kuppe, who used the handle “jcclockerroom” to post several photos of the naked boys on a foreign website, worked at the JCC of Metropolitan Detroit’s day camp for two years and at one point supervised its special-needs campers. Under questioning, he allegedly admitted to posting nude photos of the boys on the website and using the jcclockerroom email account, which contained several emails with child pornography.

Michael Layne, spokesman for the Jewish Community Center of Metropolitan Detroit, said in a statement to the Free Press that the JCC was notified on Wednesday that a summer camp counselor was being investigated by West Bloomfield Police.

“Subsequently, we were notified that the individual had been taken into custody for alleged possession of photographs of campers taken while using the locker room and restroom facilities,” Layne said in a statement. “The staff member was immediately terminated. In accordance with our policies, the individual was subject to a criminal background investigation that came back clear prior to his employment.

The statement said the JCC was “cooperating fully” with the police investigation.

“We are communicating with the parents of our program participants,” Layne said.

A JCC email to parents obtained by JTA said Kuppe, who the email did not identify by name, had in his possession photographs of three JCC campers and that “the affected families have been contacted by the authorities.” The email said Kuppe was not only dismissed but “banned from JCC properties.”

The email, from CEO James Issner and board president Brian Siegel, also noted that it had “received no complaints” about Kuppe prior to his arrest.

The investigation started earlier this month after a Homeland Security agent learned of the “jcclockerroom” photos, which “depicted the prepubescent boys’ genitalia,” according to court records.

In an email exchange with an undercover agent, “jcclockerroom@gmail.com” wrote, “I only get to touch him a few times,” before giving graphic descriptions of the boy and adding, “I have more pics, but you need to send me some first … What would you do to these little boys (be graphic.)”

According to court papers cited by the Free Press, Kuppe described how he sexually abused the boy as he was changing out of his clothes and that he planned to give the young boy oral sex.

“I also purposely dropped something, and made him pick it up,” he said.

Investigators are trying to determine whether Kuppe in fact sexually assaulted any of the boys.

“We have a general idea of how many victims there are, but we want to make sure there’s not more,” Curt Lawson, the deputy chief of the West Bloomfield Police, told the Detroit News. “It’s not like 50 (victims), but we don’t want to say how many at this point.”

Homeland Security agents traced the gmail account’s IP address to Kuppe’s home, which they raided Wednesday.

The Free Press reported that Kuppe’s attorney, Michael Rex, could not be reached for comment.

According to Kuppe’s Facebook profile, he is a psychology student at Michigan State University.

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By Gregory M. Weber

You’re a thief—a con artist. You recently met an elderly widow with a good–sized bank account fueled by pension and dividend checks. In sharp contrast, your own financial engine is running on fumes. You decide to take her money.

So you befriend the lady. You run small errands for her. You buy her gifts. You listen to her stories and you comfort her when she feels lonely. You put your arm around her and tell her you understand her problems. You spend time with her each day. You tell her she’s special. You gain her trust. Her natural suspicion disappears.

Only then does the conversation shift to money. You tell her about a tremendous investment opportunity. You offer her a chance to share in this special event. If she’s curious, you play on that curiosity. You answer her questions and downplay her fears.

And your work pays off. She trusts you. She signs the check.

Three minutes after her bank opens, you’re in the wind, cash in hand and ready to target your next victim.

But what if you’re a child molester—a predator? What if the object of your desire isn’t the widow’s bank account, but her six–year–old grandson? What steps will you take to get what you want?

Not much will change. A predator will identify and engage his victim. He’ll gain the child’s trust, break down his defenses, and manipulate him into performing or permitting the desired sex act. If necessary, the predator will gain access to the child by employing the same techniques with the child’s parent or adult caretaker.

The process is called grooming. It increases the predator’s access to his victim and decreases the likelihood of discovery.

Anna C. Salter is a respected psychologist. She is an expert in the field of child sexual maltreatment, and she spells it out:

“The establishment (and eventual betrayal) of affection and trust occupies a central role in the child molester’s interactions with children….The grooming process often seems similar from offender to offender, largely because it takes little to discover that emotional seduction is the most effective way to manipulate children.”

These men are convicted child molesters. They, too, are experts in the field of child maltreatment, and they also spell it out:

“[P]arents are so naive—they’re worried about strangers and should be worried about their brother–in–law. They just don’t realize how devious we can be. I used to abuse children in the same room with their parents and they couldn’t see it or didn’t seem to know it was happening.”

“I was disabled and spent months grooming the parents, so they would tell their children to take me out and help me. No one thought that disabled people could be abusers.”

“[P]arents are partly to blame if they don’t tell their children about [sexual matters]—I used it to my advantage by teaching the child myself.”

“[P]arents shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about things like this—it’s harder to abuse or trick a child who knows what you’re up to.”

Here’s what the predators are up to.

Grooming is a process. It begins when the predator chooses a target area. He may visit places where children are likely to go: schools, shopping malls, playgrounds, parks, and the like. He may work or volunteer at businesses that cater to children. Other predators strike up relationships with adults who have children in the home—single parent families make particularly good targets.

Victim selection and recruitment are next. There is no prototypical victim of child sexual abuse. Any child may be victimized. Not surprisingly, predators often target children with obvious vulnerabilities. A child who feels unloved and unpopular will soak up adult attention like a sponge. Children with family problems, who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self–esteem, and who are isolated from their peers are all likely targets.

Predators engage or “recruit” their victims in different ways. Many use a combination of forced teaming and charm. They may offer to play games, give rides, or buy treats and gifts as tokens of friendship. They may offer drugs or alcohol to older children or teenagers. And they almost always offer a sympathetic, understanding ear. Your parents don’t understand or respect you? I do. Other kids make fun of you? I know what that’s like—it was the same way for me when I was your age. They don’t trust you at home? Boy, I know what that’s like—your parents never really want you to grow up. But I trust you. I respect you. I care for you more than anybody else. And I love you. I’m here for you.

Successful predators find and fill voids in a child’s life.

A predator will usually introduce secrecy at some point during the grooming process. Initially, secrecy binds the victim to the predator: “Here’s some candy. But don’t tell your friends because they’ll be jealous, and don’t tell your mother because she won’t like you eating between meals.” Later on, secrecy joins hands with threats: “If you tell your mother what happened, she’ll hate you. It’ll kill her. Or I’ll kill her. Or I’ll kill you.”

The forging of an emotional bond through grooming leads to physical contact. Predators use the grooming process to break down a child’s defenses and increase the child’s acceptance of touch. The first physical contact between predator and victim is often nonsexual touching designed to identify limits: an “accidental” touch, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. Nonsexual touching desensitizes the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching—the predator’s ultimate goal.

The best way to recognize grooming behavior is to pay attention to your child and the people in your child’s life. Gavin de Becker sensibly reminds us that “[c]hildren require the protection of adults, usually from adults. Their fear of people is not yet developed, their intuition not yet loaded with enough information and experience to keep them from harm.” There are many demands placed upon our time, but nothing—nothing—is more important than the welfare of our children. When we blindly surrender responsibility for them to others without question, we invite trouble. Parents should know their child’s teachers, coaches, day care providers, youth group leaders, and other significant adults in their lives. Make unannounced visits. Ask questions. Stay involved.

And please—talk to your children. Teach them to recognize grooming behavior. Teach them to be wary of any physical contact initiated by an adult. And teach them to trust you with their problems and their pain. The safest child is the child who knows he can bring his problems and concerns to parents and adult caregivers without reproach or retaliation.

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By Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Clinical Psychologist.

There are some stories I hear as a therapist I would never repeat.

Not only because of confidentiality.

Because I don’t want someone else, who has not been listening and learning for 20 years, to have to cope with the horror of how parents can abuse their children. Or what an older sibling can do. What children can be forced to watch. To experience.

If you can imagine it, no matter how cruel, it has happened to a child.

The loss is irretrievable. Innocence. Gone. Safety. Ripped up and torn apart. Any sense of sanity or reason as to why things happen or what is fair or just – shredded. Maybe every day. Maybe randomly. Maybe when he or she is drunk or high. Maybe when they are stone, cold sober.

For no reason other than they can. And they get away with it.

The blame that roars out of their violence sticks to the child’s spirit like super glue. The fight, for the rest of that child’s life, for some sense of belief in one’s own worth is a steep uphill grind. Shame of what others will think of them “if they knew” haunts them. If they don’t become haters and blamers themselves.

Which, if they don’t, is miraculous. And a testament to a more than resilient spirit.

The pain does not simply belong with the perpetrator. It can be attached to the other parent. Who knows it’s going on. Or sometimes a whole family. Grandparents. Aunts and uncles. Neighbors who can hear or see.

And do nothing.

In this child-centered culture of ours, where overprotective soccer leagues give awards to kids who didn’t win the match so that no one will feel like a “loser”… Somehow I wonder if people are in denial that children are still being hurt.

Some seemed shocked when they hear of a 6-year-old, raped and killed by her parents. “I can’t believe something like that would happen.”

It does happen. Every day. Not to the people “in those neighborhoods.” Or “poor people.”

It could be anyone.

What do you do if you are an adult, and were a victim of abuse? If you were battered, cussed at, thrown up against walls, made to eat things not meant for human consumption, starved, locked up. Sexually assaulted. By someone whose job it was to keep you safe? And you have never told?

What good would it do now for you to reveal it? To talk about it with someone you trust. (Finding people to trust in the first place would have been very difficult for you, but hopefully you have or can imagine it.)

A few thoughts.

1. If you are keeping his or her secret, then they may still be controlling you.

You are, in a way, being governed by them. And might feel that somehow, if you had just been smarter, or a better athlete or student. Quieter or louder. Stronger or not so strong. That somehow you could have stopped it from happening.

Maybe it was your fault after all.

If there is a bone in your body that believes this, please confront that thought. Because it is wrong. That’s only what you were told out of complete justification for violence and cruelty.

2. You might benefit from hearing how the abuse is connected to problems you are having now.

If you unhook from the secrecy of the abuse, hear and accept that it had nothing or very little to do with you, then many times those problems are eased.

Think of the abuse as being a heavy weight you have been carrying around for years. If you put it down, you have much more mental and emotional energy. You might see how your perception of yourself changes in other ways as well.

3. You would be valuing and soothing yourself.

You may never choose to confront. I only advise this if and when you are completely prepared for what may be another onslaught of justification and anger coming back at you, rather than the romanticized version you might have in your mind of a deep apology. You might get that. But there’s a huge chance that you won’t. If that was going to happen, your perpetrator would probably have initiated that themselves.

Just in the telling of the abuse, you are honoring the child who still remembers the pain. The confusion. The dread. The fear. And you are connecting with that child within you. Soothing him or her.

And that has incredible merit.

4. There’s a possibility he or she is still hurting someone else.

This gets more complicated, especially with sexual abuse. Therapists are mandated reporters for child abuse, but if you are telling a therapist about your child abuse when you were a child, then your therapist and you can discuss your options. If a child is living in the home with your abusive parent, that should be a very serious discussion.

5. You are never too old to heal. To make changes in your life.

I had the honor of hearing about sexual abuse from a 70 year old. It made an immense difference in his life. Another from an almost 80 year old, who told me he had finally attended a high school reunion (his 60th) and felt like he could stand tall. For the first time.

6. If it happened once, that’s all it took.

I hear a lot, “But it only happened one time. It’s not really abuse.”

That’s not true. It never happened to a lot of people. Never. Your world changed forever when it happened to you.

One time is all it takes.

To report child sexual abuse, call the National Child Sexual Abuse hotline at 1-866-FOR-LIGHT (866-367-5444) or for immediate help, dial 9-1-1.

You can read more from Dr. Margaret on her website! Subscribe and you will receive a free copy of her new eBook, “Seven Commandments of Good Therapy”, a guide to choosing a new therapist or how to evaluate the one you have! You can email her with a question: askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.

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